15.01.2022

 I had this dream about you last night again. It must have been the movie I watched before sleep. Once I saw you there, I almost immediately realized I was dreaming, as you were distant yet remained the same , just like when the last time I saw you. But so many year pass by, you must have been changed. That's how I know it can't be real.

We were dating in my dream. I was anxiously waiting for you to come, reading your message. I remember those days when we had nothing better to do than wandering around. If I knew we only had such little time together, we would surely invest our limited gathering more wisely. But we can't, I also doubt even if we would know, would we come up with better idea?

All things stand till today are just feelings. The euphoria, of when I first know how you felt about me. The other night I saw you standing in the room with others. You were wanted and needed by them, and I was wondering whether you really cared about me or just being nice to me, like you to others. The bliss when I saw you finally came every of many mornings. The nice conversation we had which kept us laughing. All of those feelings, I can only feel them once again in dreams.

Even in my dream you refuse to stay with me. You always leave. or simply vanish, leaving the search, waiting, the pain and the sorrow to me. A reflection of the reality. When I woke up, I know all those things don't have any meaning. My obsession lasted only couple of months. I always know our end, and I guess you as well. We know we were in delusion. You are never the people I imaged. You are and were a mere projection of my desire, of a young heart craving for growth and experience. We did this together. We imitated what we saw, what we imaged the adult life would taste like. We complete each other without really knowing each other, and never see each other ever again.